Fantasy Cooking

Is there anyone out there willing to admit that they have fantasies about cooking these great dishes and feeding our children the most fun, delicious, wholesome meals but end up getting take out because it never happens? Our family gave up meat (all but diary, eggs and fish) so I was excited to whip out my vegetarian cookbooks and get back to the old ways of eating. I have many cookbooks because I am always thinking I'm going to need that one recipe for that one event. Perfect example, I was all excited to host Livia for a playdate with Bella on Monday and I had my cute Toddler Cafe cookbook all set to whip up a super fun lunch for both. Since I absolutely HATE to grocery shop, I put it off until the very last minute. Of course every time I do that, then the pressure is really on so then I pick less fun stuff, then I get mad that I'm settling and then the inevitable...I just chuck the whole idea. What did I serve? Grill cheese and ants on a log. Really? I'm so "all or nothing". What is that? Why can't I be 1/2 way or gray instead of black or white? So it brings me to Bridgett's post baby meal. How excited am I to find the perfect, fun meal that would follow the new mama's guidelines yet still get a nice cheer from the boys? I even wanted to bake a yummy dessert. Tomorrow's my day. I had so many recipes picked out plus too many different dessert recipes to pick just one. They are wonderful and sound delicious. Do I have all the ingredients? Will I make time to shop tomorrow? Looks like they will be having the roasted chicken and some sides. I started looking for recipes weeks ago!! Don't get me wrong, I am not saying take out is horrible. No way, those words will never come out my mouth considering I support fast food almost too much - I love it. I remember when Beau was born and a meal was delivered, I felt like it was a big warm hug that lasted weeks. I also remember these decadent chocolate cookies from Rustica that Michelle brought me so I will throw some of those into my delivery. I know no matter what I bring, Bridgett will embrace. I also know that neither Bella nor Livia were bummed that they got grilled cheese and ants on a log. But girlfriend, help me get over this fantasy of being Martha Stewart!

To Smoke or Not To Smoke

Bluntly: I have had an IUD in since Beau was 6 weeks old. At the 6 week mark after giving birth the thought of a 3rd child is worse than adding a hole in your head. After the baby is roughly about 5 months maybe 6, you can actually look at a family with more than two kids and think that the parents are not completely insane. Back to the IUD - weird that I had a pregnancy "scare" back in January. I mean weird because I would be in that .5% that got pregnant wearing a device that is practically full-proof. But still, I actually found myself at peace that if I were pregnant that I would be ok with it. Of course, it was just a scare but it made me think. Nuts! That meant that all the extra weight I gained was not pregnancy weight and now I have to lose it. Crap. I watch Courtney Cox on her show Cougar Town and get inspired that I too can be smokin' hot if I just applied all this energy I had into myself. You know - yoga, running, facials, mani/pedis, massages, hair colored/cut, waxing, what else? I mean is it weird to wish I could be smokin' hot at my age and being a mom of two? I haven't felt hot since I was 25 years old. Now with the resources and the wisdom, I think I can actually look and feel better than I did as a 25 year old. I am confident that it is possible. Being 40 years old has nothing to do with why I'm where I am these days. I discussed this whole concept with my hot (hee, hee!) husband during our downtown getaway at the W two weekends ago and he was of course on board with whatever it takes for me to get to where I want to be. So then I asked him if he was done having kids. Poor guy felt trapped - whoa, where did that come from? He answered me with a question are you? I said yes and the relief was clear.

All was great with my decision to move forward and get to smokin' status. This week at ECFE a mom announces that she is pregnant with her 3rd child and man, everything I felt just went out the window. Selfishly I want to move on and take care of myself. But enviously, I want to have another baby. Here's my theory: Moms of one child feel the struggles of parenthood more because they have nothing to compare it to (besides the horror stories of other families). Moms with 2 kids realize after awhile that their first crack at parenthood should have been a breeze and they would kill to have a do-over. Moms with 3 kids are confident - they've been there and done that. And moms with 4+ kids are just plain showing off (ha! ha! totally joking).

So I'm struggling internally with the question: Should I be a smokin' 40 year old mom of 2 or be a confident mom who can handle 3?

Potpourri of Jibbering

Hello! I've been wanting to blog for weeks now but of course life flies by and this is where I am these days. So my mom left last week after 8 weeks of wonderful help. Yes, 8 weeks! I came home from dropping her off at the airport and I shoveled even though I'm not supposed to because of my back issues. I couldn't figure out how to get my emotions out - in some ways I was glad she was gone but in many ways I felt super helpless - that my life was going to get tough again because even with her here it was tough. Days like today I feel blessed for my "One Love Mamas" because Dear Anne picked up Bella and had her over for a very long playdate. I got a lot done around the house and my daughter had the time of her life. I picked her up and she had rosey cheeks and was well-fed. Could it get any better than that? Love to you, Anne!

I thought I would be able to make copies of Baby Erickson's Lullaby cd but I just couldn't get to it today. I can't wait for all of you to get a copy because I really like the compilation. When we practiced yoga with Bridgett right before her Mama Blessing Brunch, I couldn't help but feel a big sense of pride as we listened to the lullaby cd and flowed with some gentle poses. Anyway, the copies will go out soon - on my list for this week. I wish some company made 90 minute cds because all our songs added up to just over 80 minutes and that is the max I could find. So you will have to receive 2 cds - sorry! Baby Ozzie is here and I can't wait to meet him. What a beautiful way to bring a child into the world - being born at home and with a big splash! Ah, the feeling of being a new mom again is such a great feeling and I hope that Bridgett is loving it. Tough on her physically, I'm sure. But she will have such a great peace of mind in the next few months as a light comes on and lets her know that it will all be ok. Especially since she has Bennett signed up for a good pre-school in the Fall. I'm jealous! Argh, can I please just get out of this pre-school searching hell? I mean, truly, I hate the fact that I am making such a big deal about this process. It should be fun to imagine where your baby will get her feet wet at learning. I know some of you moms have your pre-schools nailed down and I bow in awe that you can sit back and not worry about where they will be this Fall. Me? Oh I'm still touring schools. I think my beef is that since I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed, it makes me anxious to raise smart people. All the while I want sweet, playful children who actually like to learn instead of being good at regurgitating information. So this is why I struggle with settling. I grew up hating to read and guess what, unless it is children's books, you will rarely find me reading and I hate that! Don't get me wrong, I love to read now but since it is not a priority in my life, it gets pushed aside and then a year goes by and I haven't read a book. That is crazy! Speaking of getting pushed aside - so my one and only New Year's resolution this year was to play more with my family. It's the end of February and I have to say, my resolution is not happening. I know it is a work in progress but a little frustrating that I can't sit there and finger paint with my kids at least once a week. Heck, I will take once a month! I know I have made big strides in resolving this but I want more. Just wanted to share that for the past 2 weeks I wore a charm on my necklace that says, "My Husband is Hot." I have to say - that counts a lot towards my resolution to play with my hubby. When the salesman at the car dealership asked me about my necklace I said, "Hey, he just bought me a new car - I'm sure you think he's hot too, right?" And my last bit of jibbering will be about Lent which starts this Wed and ends 40 days later. I will attempt to give up, once again, Judging. That is it as far as giving up anything because in my book, that's a biggy. Funny, how I will give up judging but will worry more about people making judgements on me.

Miss you mamas and hope it's not long before we can jibber in person. Love.